Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
