Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
