where am i from again
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
