i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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