No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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