I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
