We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
