dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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