my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
