Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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