There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
smell my finger.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
