I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
