just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
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