I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
