apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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