if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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