I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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