what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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