There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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