I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
The air was thick with penises
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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