I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
