Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I didn't shave. On purpose
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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