Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
