your parents love me but you hate me
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
