She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
sex in a hospital.. check
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
