So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
