I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
