well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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