You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
