so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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