My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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