singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
