Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
