Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
