i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
