Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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