So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize
