The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
this just has baby written all over it
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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