he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
