i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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