I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
this will be a night to untag.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
