I didn't shave. On purpose
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
