i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
