My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
