Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Holy shit dude........stairs
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize