i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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