I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
