I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
