If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
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