i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
