margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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