Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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