The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
im holly from the hills drunk
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You ruined the universe
Randomize
