She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize
