If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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