Will you blow on my dice?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
