This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
