if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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