you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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