I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize