My sheets look like a crime scene.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
