Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
