They should really pass out barf bags in church
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
