This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Operation Purity has been aborted
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
