His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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