This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
