just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
