Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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