12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
